Her First Life
by Luceo non Uro 1996
Summary: The Seachan make an appearance in Emond's field, and other stories
1. To Worry

_My very first fanfic (I'm rather excited). This small bit is part of a much larger story that will come at some point once edited and what not._

 _In regards to Mi'aada it is supposed to mean "my dear" in the Old Tongue ( sorry, I try my best)_.

She was happy, sitting out in the sun reading, completely absorbed in the thick leather bound volume he'd often seen Helen carry back in Tar Valon. It was rare, her face to be so quiet and composed. Ginny was Aes Sedai no mistake, but she had never actually mastered the constant serenity that other sisters wore like a shield. Any emotion sat on her face clear as day, the only time he had seen such calm was in times of terrible danger.

He had thought those days to be few and far between, what with the hard-won peace and their little ones, but even this tiny corner of Andor had its dangers.

If you had asked him when he arrived in Tar Valon where he would be in ten years, watching his wife read on their porch while their children slept upstairs would never have crossed his mind. The wild woman he had met as an accepted, who did what she wanted, all others be damned and for the longest time thought he was the one needing protection, had grown up. Mind you; he had grown with her, moving far from the outspoken young warder who had healed her those early years, to quick to judge, too stubborn to listen. It had taken an incident that had seen him with one foot in the grave and Ginny a broken woman for too long, to realize he had to be the voice of reason, the cautioning hand and if that meant his life then so be it. Yarrin still ached whenever he thought of it, the white roping scar down the middle of his back a painful reminder of a warders job and his youthful stupidity.

"The more you think about it, the more it will hurt," cut Ginny's voice from behind her book calling across the clearing.

"And if it pains you as much as I know it does you will be coming down to have it healed."

She had placed the volume on her lap and spoke to the trees where she knew he hid, the bond directing her to a large oak.

He smiled at her offer, more of an order actually, but did not move. She was tired; the twins demanded much of her time on top of the work she did for the Lord in Emond's Field. His comfort could wait for another day when she was stronger.

"Gaidin you're not moving" she called her bond a mix of concern and annoyance.

His wife was persistent, but he had always been too stubborn for his good, so stayed in his perch turning to watch the traveling ground. Ragan should have returned from Shienar two days ago, but Ginny wasn't worried, so neither was he, though his cousin and brother warders presence would be appreciated. To know there was someone in the house who could be trusted while he kept watch would ease his mind.

Rolling his shoulders, silently wishing he had allowed her to heal his back Yarrin turned again to face the house, finding an empty porch, the red book open on the ground and Ginny nowhere in sight.

Her bond told him she was close and still content but to not have eyes on his Aes Sedai, brought on an almost irrational fear. She was in no state to be going anywhere without him after the ordeal in the village but a week ago. Repressing his growing panic Yarrin turned slowly making himself find calm as he scanned the traveling ground, then their house and the trees surrounding, knowing she was close but half convinced she was lost in the woods and didn't know it yet, moments away from a collar around her neck. Seeing nothing Yarrin prepared to descend the tree only to meet Ginny's smiling face looking up at him as she climbed, skirts hiked up to her knees.

"I almost fell you know."

He must have looked horrified since she laughed and continued to climb, oblivious of his shock and hastily outstretched hand, moving from branch to branch with relative ease before pulling herself onto the platform.

Slightly flushed but beaming she crossed her legs and sat facing the traveling ground tapping the spot beside her for him to sit, and he did, some worry wearing off to be replaced by amusement. So close he could feel her fatigue, in the same way, he knew she could sense his concern, that could not entirely be overshadowed by her happiness and love, as she leaned against his shoulder tracing a hand up his back to settle at the base of his skull. A sudden coldness shot up Yarrin's spine, and before he could pull away his pain disappeared

"Got you" she chuckled butting her head against his shoulder, quite self-satisfied.

"You shouldn't have, I could have gone another day" he whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head, thankful nonetheless for the relief.

"And had you grumpier than a mountain bear- I think not Gaidin, one warder with a permanent scowl is enough for me."

"Which one is that?" he joked, her expression only serving to encourage him

"It couldn't be my cousin; he's the picture of serenity."

A hard swat landed across his shoulder

"Smart ass."

Skirts still up around her knees with no stockings or shoes to speak of she looked much like the young women in the village. That disapproving stare though was all her own as she tried to keep a straight face. The agelessness that marked an Aes Sedai just beginning to change her, visible through her frown, though it was still his Ginny.

"You're rather distracted today Gaidin" all annoyance suddenly gone, replaced by concern and curiosity as he realized he had been drifting off.

He shook his head, his gift had disappeared slowly over the years as had hers, but he was quite sure she could still read his mind

"My apologies Aes Sedai " he replied, turning to her just as she glanced over her shoulder at the house and he followed her gaze instantly looking for danger, despite their location. At one time he would have staked his life on the safety of their home, but no longer.

"No need to apologize mi'aada, what do you think on" her bond was warm and attentive as she turned back, giving him her undivided attention though the exhaustion was still there, only heightened by her healing.

"You're tired" he began

She laughed softly and shook her head, "I'm a mother of twins, of course, I'm tired."

"Yet you still climb trees, and you have not been sleeping even when little ones are quiet."

She pressed her lips together giving him a careful look but did not interrupt.

"It's dangerous for you to be so exhausted, what if that woman and her leashed Aes Sedai return, I cannot protect you and our children. A sword does nothing against a damane and if you were to be collared again" -

Yarrin trailed off, what he wouldn't give to have never felt that crushing darkness, then the burning desire to die, to forget everything, his brother warder, his wife, even his children to seek vengeance. He remembered almost nothing after the bond disappeared, other than his maddening search for death, but when he finally came to himself, Lord Perrin had him pinned to the ground. The man used to be a blacksmith and was easily one of the strongest men Yarrin had ever met, but he looked utterly exhausted when Olwyn finally arrived and wrapped him in flows of air. Everything that followed had again been a fog, mere hours feeling like days until he was released from his bonds and forcibly turned to face a woman with short brown hair covered in dirt, her skirt ripped up the side and a silver collar around her neck. She had given him a small smile and held out a hand-

"Yarrin,"the voice familiar, a step towards her.

"Mi'aada

As if he had been under water, drowning then finally given breath, his head breaking the surface and he ran to her, his wife, his Aes Sedai, his Ginny. Kneeling at her feet, he held her to him, his forehead press to her stomach, hands clutching at her dress over the swell of her hips. The bond was still gone, but she stood before him, and that was all that mattered.

It had taken hours to convince that woman holding the leash Ginny was to be released, and for a second time, Lord Perrin had to step in and hold him back. All of his hard-won sense, his calm, even his desire for self-preservation flickered in and out, leaving him steady one minute and berserk the next.

She had held him each time he lost himself, whispering soothing words, her fingers intertwined in his hair, on the back of his neck, as he shook and struggled to fight down the madness. Despite the disapproving stares of the woman holding her leash Ginny only glared back, with a face death would have found frightening and in his right mind, he would have been proud of her calm defiance, her cool serenity.

Such serenity starred back at him now, only cast in shadow by the hanging leaves and broken by a sad smile for just a moment at his pain before returning, the bond firm, projecting an assurance he did not feel.

"I do believe" she said, rising and holding out a hand, "if we could survive Tarmon Gai'don as foolish as we were, it will take more than a sul'dam and her damane to send us running, and besides I have no intention of ever letting a collar close around my neck again".

He nodded,though the bond betrayed him as he stood, and she cupped his cheek in her hand, absentmindedly tucking a loose piece of hair behind his ear, her emotions a mixture of love, fear and confidence.

"You needen't worry Gaidin" though she smirked as she spoke.

Ginny knew he would regardless, it was a warders job to worry.


	2. They Meet

_Set about 15 years or so before the events of "To Worry"._

* * *

She sneezed, dust rising from the great tomb of a book before her, puffing into a sort of cloud that hung over the wooden desk.

 _Why in lights name did Helen want her to read this_ , Yillana thought rubbing her nose and swatting the air in an attempt to clear the particles.

No one had ever met the Athan'an Miere, barely anyone had seen them, and unless you were a very unlucky Grey sister, one would never have to negotiate a trade agreement for the westlands or settle a dispute between sail-mistresses. If this book was in any way correct the poor sod, who tried to mediate an argument would be hauled up the rigging by their toes and left to dangle.

There must be a lesson in it somewhere, there alway was, when Helen set her down at a secluded table with a reading list.

An Accepted's studies were supposed to be her own, but once a week Yillana let her best friend monopolize her time and more often than not she learned something, usually necessary, always unexpected.

At the moment though it took all she had not to sneeze again and anger the already testy Gretta Sedai. A tall spidery woman, she glided between the shelves twitching backsides and boxing ears all to enforce the rules of her library. Dust in her opinion was no excuse for noise, even if one couldn't help themselves and Yillana was on her second strike, a third, and she wouldn't be able to sit comfortable for the rest of the day.

Pinching her nose she buried her face in the tomb, the chapter on foreign delegations blurring and to Yillana's relief, the cursed sneeze was silenced.

 _I'll be able to enjoy my dinner tonight_ she thought as the dust finally cleared, wooden benches were almost as unforgiving to a recent strapping as her roommates. Smoothing out the pages she sat up and was ready to plow through the next chapter when-

"Does your book smell good."

Jumping in her seat, Yillana looked around wildly, the aisles in front revealing no one, nor the balcony just above her head.

What was a man doing in the library! More importantly how in lights name did he get passed Gretta?

Taking a breath to slow herself down she scanned her small piece of the library again, finding the balcony empty but this time a tall shadow stood in the corner, well hidden in the dimmed light.

Turing to face the source of the mysterious voice she put on her best front of Aes Sedai calm

"It smells horrible; I'm quite certain I'm the only person to have opened it in 100 years"

The shadow gave a small chuckle and took a step forward into the light leaving Yillana to forget her face and cock a surprised eyebrow. He was her age, possibly a few years older, tall with broad shoulders that didn't quite match the rest of his skinny self and a top knot, marking him from Shienar. A book held in his left hand, a history of some sort judging by its size, along with a pair of wire spectacles and a smile on his face that she was certain had sent many a novice hearts a flutter.

That smile though was gone just as quickly as it appeared and he looked quite ashamed. Yillana realized she was scowling as she studied him and tried to decide what he would possibly need in this library that the warders did not have down in their common-room.

"Are you lost?" she asked attempting to placate her face, biting her cheek hard when his smile returned to keep herself from returning the look.

"That all depends" he answered crossing the distance between them to sit on the other end of her long desk still smiling "are you Yillana"?

"Who's asking" the words out before she could catch them, Helen was ever reminding her of manners, and the proper way to address both her betters and those below her.

The young man didn't seem to mind though, in fact, he looked rather relieved and pulled up a chair

"Helen Sedai told me you would say that. She also mentioned if I behaved myself you would let me read here".

 _Light he needed to stop smiling_ , she thought, closing her book with a clunk, making a note of the page. Her lip was bleeding now, and this intrusion smelled of Helen's meddling, but the company would not hurt and if her friend trusted him so would she, the boy didn't look dangerous

"What are you reading," Yillana asked looking over the tomb, now allowing herself to smile.

Taking her interest and smile as a yes he inclined his head with the formality fitting of a borderlander and a warder, a stark contrast to his earlier self.

"Thank you Aes Sedai," he said and slid the book across the table a red eagle embossed on the cover, and Yillana fondly tapped the leather, opening the first page to see if it was the volume she usually read.

"A History of Manetheren?"

"Yes Aes Sedai"

"You do realize much of this book is speculation and rumor. Most accounts of Manetheren were lost when the nation was overrun in the trolloc wars. Some would consider this little more than fiction."

His face fell slightly at her cold scrutiny, but Yillana lightly closed the book and pushed it back -

"But that has not stopped it from becoming one of my favorite stories, I do believe I could quote much of King Aemon's speech before his army, and the chant of The Heart Guard plays in my head whenever I serve penance in the kitchens."

This brought his lovely smile back, one which she returned, quite certain her face was flushed, then adjusted her seat ready to revisit the Athan'an Miere in all their dusty glory and leave him to his reading as Helen had promised.

She was but a few lines into the next chapter when she realized she had not asked the young man his name. It was the polite thing to besides, Helen would ask later and to deliver an incomplete answer always lead to more questions, so again she snapped the tomb shut looking up then stifled a snigger. The wire spectacles she'd seen at first in his hand were now perched on his nose, looking very much out of place.

"You wouldn't be the first person to laugh at my glasses"

He didn't even look up from his page as he spoke and Yillana blinked, taken aback by his attentiveness despite the book held so much of his face was not visible.

"My apologies" she replied, and he shrugged, unconcerned.

"And if you were wondering" he looked up briefly from the volume, only his eyes, a rather attractive shade of green visible over top of the pages "my name is Yarrin"

* * *

 _Yarrin and Yillana have always gotten along well, and yes the first words he ever spoke to her were "does your book smell good" (he's weird ok). Did Helen set them up?. Who knows. Who is Helen you may asks well, Helen just might be the most important person in the whole story. You will be formally introduced to her eventually._


	3. The One Who Needs Saving

_So if you read chapter one "To Worry" you might remember Yarrin mentioning how Yillana though he needed protecting for the longest time, well this is one of those time. Set about three years after "They Meet" (give or take)_

* * *

The sun shone brightly over Tar Valon, not a cloud in the sky and from behind the tower walls I could smell the water, a wonderful mixture of fish and salt. Others found this aroma off-putting, but the waste had been my home for ten years so any body of water larger than a puddle I could find no fault in.

Standing on the practice ground amidst the other Accepted, the coloured bands of my dress flapped slightly around my feet, I smiled quickly to the sky breathing in the salt air, placing a hand to my head scarf.

My gaze then roamed to the far end of the arena where two men fought aggressively, exchanging blows back and forth, as evenly matched a pair as Hammar could hope for.

Just passed his 22nd name day tall, broad shouldered with a shock of almost red hair braided to his shoulders, Yarrin stepped back catching Hollen's blade above his head then pushed the older man's sword away while at the same time making a grab for his wrist. Once captured he continued the movement to step close pulling Hollen in, the pommel of his sword connecting with his opponent's jaw eliciting a sickly crack.

An angry, almost murderous light flashed through the warder's eyes at being struck by a student, but he continued to spar sensibly, so I contented myself to watch.

I rarely came to Yarrin's practice, I knew what he could do and was silently very proud, but today Helen was gone, and my roommates suggested I show my support in person.

They knew very well of my friendship with the young Shienarin; he had come by more than once, unaware I wasn't alone and found himself cornered by Mirella and Hestia who demanded to know where we went and why he had cut off his top knot. I too had wondered but did not ask, the two older accepted liked to think it was for some mysterious reason, though I was quite certain Hammar had suggested it in an attempt to make him less conspicuous.

That day Mirella was not present, but Hestia stood very close as I watched the match, plucking at my elbow excitedly.

"He's quite good, your Yarrin" she chimed

"Yarrin is not mine Hestia" my answer sounding distant as I continued to watch Hollen, who was becoming quite agitated having again had his jaw crunched by the pommel of my friend's sword.

"Have you told him that?" her voice had lowered, and she leaned in excited? "Ipsen asked him to be her warder, but he refused, said he would accept no bond but yours" her words gave me pause, and I turned away from the match to look up at my roommate momentarily distracted.

"Can't say I'm surprised" I answered my voice level and unaffected "Ipsen will be hard on her warders, she needs an older Gaiden, one wise in the ways of the world to see she doesn't trip and break her neck." Hestia looked taken back by my response, but I gave her a quick smile, though inside I burned, _she had asked, and he had said no, what was that boy doing making such declarations and what was Ipsen doing asking such questions._

"I thought you would be more protective of your Gaidin, Ipsen can be very persuasive. Why one night in her bed and" -

"Do you want me to cut out your tongue" I interrupted a slight edge to my voice, but Hestia only sniggered and continued her tone mocking,

"Temper, temper Yillana, you will never reach the shawl any time soon with an attitude like that."

I bit back an even nastier reply, suddenly angry at myself for letting her get under my skin. If I was to keep my feelings for Yarrin hidden, as was only appropriate I couldn't go around biting off the head of every sister who gave him a second look. Making eyes at a man was one thing while asking him to bond as your warder was another entirely. Granted he was rather handsome, with a beautiful smile and easy going personality but he could also be an insufferable ass and who wanted that in their warder. Hestia laughed still clutching my elbow when I told her as much.

"Now how would anyone but you know that Yillana, unless my eyes deceive me, anytime he is not here he is tailing you on your adventures legal or otherwise"

"He does not tail me" I mumbled knowing full well that Yarrin did, a step and a half behind wherever we went, then at my side our hands intertwined as soon as we were alone.

"Suit yourself" Hestia breathed, an exasperated note in her voice "but you best keep an eye on that boy if he's to be yours when you take the shawl."

* * *

I did keep an eye on Yarrin, a very close one, and when he barely dodged a sword thrust meant for his gut, I bit my lip, enough to taste blood. He laughed it off, _stupid man,_ but the second time as the blade grazed his ribs he didn't laugh, and a flash of fear crossed his face.

The two men continued, drawing Hammar's attention briefly but the training master turned his back at Hollen's placating gesture. At that, a third blow was struck this time drawing blood, and though I was no warrior I had seen men die and those intent on murder. Warder or not in that moment it truly would have taken the creator himself to convince me Yarrin was not in danger. Then before I realized, I was halfway across the yard carrying a practice blade liberated from one very confused student.

Hollen had somehow lost himself and was now fighting with a malice that saw Threading the Needle, countered by a shocked Swallow Takes Flight swept aside with a vicious Stones Falling from the Cliff. Each time harder than the last the warder rained blows down on Yarrin, and though they were barely a stone's throw away, the journey would very well have been two days with the bloody dress catching on my boot and twisting between my legs.

In desperation, damaging all sense of propriety, I grabbed a banded corner and stuck it through my belt exposing a right half of my leg. My stride opened up, and I came upon the two men just as Hollen swung through another Threading the Needle barely missing Yarrin's ribs.

He howled in frustration but began to plan his next attack to feign left, then around right and catch the younger man off guard, only he did not get that far. As I cut between the two, reaching out with River of Light, I twisted the sword, and the flat of the blade smashed across his face breaking his nose to send him reeling. Too panicked to follow through with my swing I backed up planting myself firmly on the stone slabs and assumed Awaiting the Storm my eyes never leaving Hollen now crumpled to his knees blood streaming down his face. The ground beneath him began to shake and crack as he tried to rise, and sadier filled me with life, projected by my anger growing darker and darker.

My vision tunneled, the crowd that gathered beyond, boxing us in, meaningless noise, my full attention on the warder before me. Hollen again attempted to rise, and I lashed out harder the crack defining as another slab broke, this time completely in two. Inches from trapping his leg and halting his new advance, the bond gave this man reflexes enough to evade even sadier, and I readied another weave, this time of air. They were simple patterns, blunt and without finesse, but I was Accepted, and at that point, the tower spent little time teaching their students how to defend oneself with the power, let alone kill a man.

Then, just as the source was there, the weave fully formed, saider was gone, jolting me back to reality. I staggered but did not drop my weapon despite the sudden crushing fatigue that threatened to overwhelm me.

"Ginny."

The voice was wary but firm and a hand wrapped around my wrist gentle, familiar, but I did not let go, Yarrin was still in danger, and I could no longer protect him with the power. With the loss of the power, the tunnel began to widen my vision returning to normal, and I took in the crowd that had gathered, completely silent. Warders, trainees and Aes Sedai alike stood in varying states of shock or anger. A tall Domani woman had separated from the group now across the circle, a hand on Hollen's shoulder and the glow of the power about her.

"Ginny" the voice repeated, then joined by a second deeper and gruff-

"Girl you need to put it down, he's safe."

He's safe, echoed through my head, and with that affirmation, from the voice now recognized as Hammar I swayed and let go, hearing the blunt blade clatter on the stone, and my knees gave way, the training ground rushing up to meet me.

* * *

I sat shielded in a ladder backed chair, my back to Allie Sedai, who's warder I had smashed across the mouth, a mixture of disapproval and dare I say amusement across her ageless face.

Hollen lurked at her heals, posture tense with a small current of fear that made me smile, he was afraid, as he rightly should be, I was not a woman one trifled with.

In front stood Hammar, his arms folded and face a thundercloud bearing down on me

"Don't give me that smile girl" he growled, "do you know what you've done."

I bit the inside of my lip and leveled my gaze on the training master

"I saved you having to cart a body off the training yard today and send a letter to a family in Shienar telling them their son died, Hammar Gaidin"

His face darkened "you assaulted a warder child, that's what you did. Yarrin was never in any more danger than the rest of the students and-

"But he was" I interrupted my composure beginning to crack "that bloody man would have seen my friend with a sword through his stomach bleeding out on the stone."

"With a sister there in moments to see him healed" a smooth voice interjected and I stood abruptly turning on the sister

"How many men have you seen survive a sword clean through them Aes Sedai"?

The Domani woman did not answer only fixed me with a stare that could split wood, so I continued steadily advancing towards Allie.

"Unless the tower is hiding more than given credit for, no sister, Yellow or otherwise would have saved him".

"Death is to be excepted child; it is a Gaidin's honor to die with a sword in his hand" she interrupted again, seemingly unaffected.

I stopped as her words struck me, so hard I could imagine the sting as if it were her palm.

"But he is not Gaidin Aes Sedai" my voice wavered ever so slightly, but I bit my tongue, hard, continuing my advance.

"There is no honor in death at the hands of another warder. Would you have taken responsibility seeing as it was Hollen who thought to end my Yarrin's life? To tell his mother, his sisters, light forbid even his father. In being Aes Sedai, does one become so self-absorbed as to forget the value of a life beyond their own -"

I hit a wall of air barely a foot from the sister, and could hear Hammar's nervous breathing behind as a strong hand wrapped itself around my wrist to pull me back towards the chair.

"Take a seat girl," he hissed, and I let myself be backed up "best not anger everyone any more than necessary."

"But Hammar-" Allie sedai had adopted an air of serenity, calculating and silent, I could keep talking, _the bloody witch needed to hear it_ , but the old warder read my mind

"Keep your mouth shut, Allie Sedai's fit to tear your head off" his lined face look genuinely concerned as he sat me down

"You're brave girl, and light knows you're intentions were good but you've got no sense. Keep your mouth shut, your eyes down and face whatever they throw at you on your feet, do you understand."

"Hammar it's not right, I can't let -"

"Yes you can, and you will."


	4. Obtuse

_Set only a short time before she is raised Aes Sedai._

 _I'm not sure what this is, it came to me while I was at work, tell me what you think._

 _Obtuse, deliberately obtuse_ , Yarrin thought as he lay sprawled out on his cot listening to the shift and rustles coming from his fellow trainees. Particular attention paid to the woman, curled up beside him, breathing softly.

That's what Ginny was he decided

Appearing just as he was drifting off, her clothes hastily discarded smelling of wood smoke mixed with dust and the damp of the lower city, to lay pooled at their feet. Not a word spoke, she'd pulled back the covers to slip in beside him, her shift damp, clinging to her hips, the only thing between them.

Yarrin had opened his mouth wanting to remind her he shared a room with four other men, all of whom could be faking sleep but his small protests were cut off with a kiss, her tongue darting into his mouth to trace his teeth and bite his lower lip. He responded in kind. Losing himself in her taste of smoke and sweat Yarrin ran a hand down her back and under her shift to cup her bottom, pulling Ginny closer.

A small moan escaped through their kiss, those blue eyes slits underneath her creased brow as she reached behind her to grab his wrist, guiding his fingers in between and forward to a wetness already running down her thighs.

Light, but how long had he dreamt of this. To have her so eager and willing pressed against him, grinding into his fingers, that moan becoming ragged and desperate, as deft hands scraped on his neck, in his hair, down his back.

Yarrins arousals grew with each soft gasp or sigh until her shift disappeared over her head as his own dipped down. Fingers leaving that warm wetness he'd rolled on top to settle between her legs and take a breast in his mouth, tongue running over the nipple then biting down. Sucking air through her teeth Ginny's hands pulled at his head directing him to repeat the same with the other, which he did before trailing down her stomach, nipping her softly as he went. The lower he kissed the quieter she grew and as his head came to rest between her thighs Yarrin looked up to meet her gaze. Bottom lip clamped firmly between her teeth she breathed heavily through her nose looking overwhelmed and he made to move up, to take her mouth to his once more until any unease was gone, but a hand in his hair, so tight it was almost hurt kept him still. "Yarrin", her whisper a plea that was swiftly answered so that she threw her head back not making a sound, arching into him in wordless pleasure, until-

The door clicked to open part way letting a beam of light break across the room; her eyes opened as it fell over the foot of the bed.

Then just as abruptly she had begun Ginny pulled away to fix him with a searching stare, half shock, half embarrassment, that flushed face he knew so well growing redder by the moment.

"I'll be back" was all she said, suddenly holding his gaze so intently as she slipped out from under him he couldn't help but smile causing that scarlet to deepen.

Padding across the room, shift hastily thrown over her head she disappeared into the hallway beyond, leaving him stunned, with an ache easily remedied, though the option available to him now much less appealing than moments before.

Half the night he waited, the mere thought of Ginny driving him over the edge more than once until she returned. Despite the dim light he could tell her movements were stiff. Thankfully the room had indeed fallen asleep, neither her entrance nor the sharp intake of breath as she sat down causing a stir.

Gingerly she'd swung her legs into bed backing carefully against him, this time smelling of soap. Damp hair settling against his chest, her small body moulded to his as she relaxed and he wrapped an arm around her waist, carful not to hold too tight.

"Nothing happened, do not worry mi'aada" her voice tired with a slight hitch, preempting any worried question as to the reason for her strapping

She had been crying and Yarrin wished desperately to comfort her but knew Ginny could have non of it, so he said nothing, only kissed the top of her head and held her until she fell asleep.

Obtuse and stubborn to the bone Yarrin thought, mentally shaking himself again, a memory of the night taking root, unlikely to afford him any peace, any time soon. Turning his head ever so slightly as the faintest hint of morning came though the shutter, her words rang in his ear and he couldn't help but damn the woman beside him.

For all the trouble her self-inflicted blindness caused Yarrin wanted to give in and follow, if only for the chance to have her again. Safe, brow crinkled, the image of abandon, but this time with no interruptions.


	5. A Letter from Tar Valon

_Set shortly after "To Worry" . Much tweaking and rearranging is still needed but I wanted to post something new:)_

* * *

The letters were beautiful, pristinely folded and made of thick white paper much akin to the documents sent and received by Olwyn.

They looked out of place against the polished wood of their kitchen table, too perfect, too controlled, even foreboding. Such things had no place in Emond's Feild, the exact reason she chose the secluded province in Andor to live and raise her children. The tower's arms were long and their influence great, but by all record Yillana was dead.

Only Olwyn knew, the shrewd Grey could pick out a sister a mile away, heading a small welcome party but two days after their arrival accompanied by the Lady Abara's spies and the surprisingly quiet Lord of the Two Rivers.

Yillana had immediately taken a liking to Perrin as had Yarrin and Ragan with his calm, straightforward manner. Their bonds though sat uneasily for the fools flanking the Lord and his Aes Sedai, one of whom was green enough to reach for the two serpent rings chained around her neck. The skinny lad had landed so hard on his back, a divot formed in the dirt around the youth's head, Ragan's hand on his throat. Yarrin snarled and in a swirl of movement she was suddenly between her warders the two men poised for a fight, waiting only on her word to cut down every soul in the clearing.

A concerning beginning to a hoped life of peace and discretion, yet ten years passed before that same feeling now rolled across her. This time their concern for her survival directed to letters sealed with the Flame of Tar Valon.

"Burn it."

Ragan's voice, barely above a whisper seethed, matching his bond, sharp and harder than steel.

"And they say my ideas are wrong" her husband responded, the door frame creaking as he shifted, crossing the room to remove his sword from above the mantel, eyes flicking out the window to where the twins, his children, played in the grass with Settle.

Feeling his chest tighten Yillana offered a thin-lipped smile, knowing he held his fear for her and the little ones in check with great effort, still shaken from the events in Ragan's absence. Yarrin responded in kind, a look that still set her heart a flutter flashing across his face, though the smile didn't reach his eyes.

Turing to her other warder, back against the far wall, with a gaze that never stilled as if he expected a sister to burst into the house and take her right now, Yillana attempted to placate herself reaching for that Aes Sedai calm to counter his venom and ire.

"We are burning nothing" her voice firm, directed to Ragan as she settled into her serenity and as ever his edge immediately began to soften, offering her a bowed head in apology.

 _That would only make things worse_.

"What are the chances of good news."

Yarrin's voice was grim, though his expression placid as he turned back to the window, making a face at Moraine who giggled before toddling to hide amongst her nurse's skirts.

"What are the chances the roof will cave in" she replied giving the beamed ceiling a quick glance.

Ragan followed her stare, considering the pine running above their heads, scrutinizing the work. Months of felling trees, shaping timbers, a project undertaken by three people who had never built a house, yet it stood, in rain and wind, light help even in snow up to Yillana's neck, wet with water, just the kind to cause a roof to cave in.

Though on this beautiful spring morning, last season's snow a bitter memory he wished for the slightest creak, the smallest buckle if only to prove the contents of the letter could be anything other than a disaster.

Yillana exhaled loudly through her nose, suddenly aware she had been holding her breath watching her warder. Placing a hand on her belly, the small swell of a child only beginning to show, she leaned forward picking one white package up off the table.

The wax came away with little effort, both seals intact and the letter fell open, such thick paper unaccustomed to tight creases, revealing an angular hand, every line close, almost cramped.

 _My Dear Friend_ it began

 _It is my hope, as always, you find yourself content and at peace. If you come across this letter and I still draw breath, read no farther, as I will answer no questions for fear of destroying that invincibility and determination carried as your shield._

Yillana's mouth dropped open, and a warm body suddenly knelt at her feet, the hand gripping her's as to leave an impression of its owner's wedding ring. One bond held pain at a friend lost, the other shock at her sudden despair. Squeezing back she continued reading

 _Light willing as you sit and read I am dead, long buried, whatever scars left by my passing healed and beginning to fade. My death was tragic (correct me if I'm wrong) and my dear friend you carry gaping wounds that are not left to close, but torn open wider and wider as punishment, ever the artist for your destruction._

 _Such self-torture is come by honestly, but I cannot allow its continuation. I am at peace, I feel no pain, and though you will roll you eyes and want proof, I can provide none._

 _In the instance you have moved on, and such sentiments no longer apply, you have grown my dear friend and saved yourself from a misery never deserved._

 _However you may feel, this letter is written to warn and urge caution. The tower will not look favourably upon all we have done and what you will do or have done after my death. The seal of Tar Valon is not my own, yet it will accompany my note, as will the word of the tower._

 _Heed their call, do not turn away as I know you want to for it will only convince them of a perceived disloyalty. Face the Amyrlin Seat and all those who stand to judge on your feet, head held high. I will be with be there when you do._

 _My love always sister_

 _Helen_

* * *

Her shaking hands refolded the letter, helped by Yarrin who set it gently on her lap, then moved to direct her onto its companion, the loopy elegant words in stark contrast to Helen's familiar script.

 _Yillana Naveen Tarth of the Green Ajah_

 _You are hear by summoned to stand trial for the wrongful deaths of Sister Helen Samroth of the Brown Ajah, Sister Lomiel of the White Ajah, Sister Odet Masrogen of the Red Ajah, Sister Hestia Tamar of the Blue Ajah, Sister Olenna Daboure of the Green Ajah, Sister Allie Eval of the Green Ajah and Sister Kerssin Taleen of the Grey Ajah._

 _Henceforth a delegation shall be sent to accompany you and your warders to Tar Valon_

 _By order of Cadsuane Melaidhrin_

 _Watcher of the Seals, The Flame of Tar Valon, The Amyriln Seat_


	6. To Tar Valon

_The night she is taken to the tower. Should be read after A Letter From Tar Valon_

* * *

"Have you decided Miss"?

Mirelle pressed her hands to the dark blue silk, a narrow skirt that fell close around her hips in many pleat to allow ease of movement with long sleeves tight down her arms to her wrists.

 _The perfect dress for tramping around the backwater of civilization_ she thought pinching the fabric, though in truth this foray into Andor would mark her first trip from Tar Valon in almost twenty years, for all Mirella knew she was outlandishly overdressed. A small frown creased her brow, tipping the circle of silver perched beneath her hair a-sque, the only outward sign of an inherent nervousness and a churning stomach.

"I'll leave the diadem, Holly."

With a small smile, a fair enough indication of her relief, Holly placed the jewelled ornament away and returned to stand behind her mistress but a head in the mirror she was so short. Even less of a traveler than herself, Mirella knew her maid to be terribly observant, and any business or the mere prospect that left her Aes Sedai in an irritable mood, in her opinion would only see such decorations a hindrance.

"And your travel cloak Miss - a change of dress, will you be gone long?"

"Any time gone is too long" a murmur just past her lips before she bit her tongue, but Holly only patted her shoulder giving it a sympathetic squeeze.

"Blue with silver Miss, twill match your dress and keep off the chill. I've heard tell Andor's summers are but a kind fall, more rain than you can shake a stick at and wind cold enough you'd think you stood in the borderlands."

Grateful for the little joy Holly's worry brought, touching and ever genuine as the cloak in question was laid across her bed Mirella attempted a smile but could only manage a grimps.

"Thank you."

A little bob set the woman's curls bouncing, and the door clicked softly leaving Mirella alone, staring at her reflection.

"Why not a green!" she asked suddenly, petitioning the woman in the glass for an answer, nervous hands, white as they pressed hard in an attempt to quell her churning stomach remembering the venom in Serril's stare at her ill-conceived protest. Wide as she was tall she had loomed over Mirella's considerable height to deliver a scathing reply, the picture of Aes Sedai calm, eyes daring another comment. Light be praised no comment had been necessary, only a deep curtsy her nose inches from the carpet followed by a hasty retreat to begin packing. Off, albeit reluctantly to visit an old friend.

* * *

Magda cracked her knuckles shifting from foot to foot, her dress a dark almost blood red rustled softly, it skirts divided for riding _or chasing a fugitive through the trees_ she mused darkly surprised at the thrill such an idea provoked.

Seven sisters dead by her hand, Magda's blood boiled at the very thought, the thrill growing to picture the Green they sought kneeling before the tower in chains, sadier ripped from her grasp. Death was too kind even as slow as it would've been if she had her way. No, no matter how skilled the sister an end would eventually be reached, a body could only take so much. But to be stilled, her knuckles cracked again, the joints popping loud enough the fool Blue beside her startled, backing against the stone wall with a thud.

To be stilled brought a lifetime of pain, each day agony with no hope of release, no comfort, a fitting repayment for Olenna's cruel death. Magda smiled, toothy and sinister watching as each group of travelers departed through their respective gateways, some turning a head, others wiser to her moods ignoring what they saw, she knew the potency of her stare.

They would be last, Serril adamant no one was to know of their destination or be privy to the prisoner they returned with insisted they wait until dusk and create their own gateway, so as the courtyard emptied Magda spared a scowl for her companion

Startled by the shape of her shadow, lengthening and twisting in the changing light Mirella offered a mousy smile, more of a whimper, taking a tentative step towards Magda

"Calm yourself woman" her voice cold and the Blue stopped, a shaking hand raised to her breast as if to fortify against harsh words

"As you say sister" the answer weak, closer to a whisper despite that fact the Mirella had begun to move again, now standing at her shoulder, the hand not clenched to her chest offered tentatively, ready to link.

Magda sneered, ever bitter she did not posses the strength to create one alone, but grabbed the hand offered embracing sadier, a current of warmth, channeling through to her companion a vertical slash appearing. The door, wide enough for two abreast, yet short enough Mirella would be required to duck revealed a house, the sun setting in hues of yellow and orange behind the chimney. Tying off the weave Magda took a step towards the gate a sea of anger and anticipation driving her step to pull Mirella forward, only she was held back.

Clutching at her sleeve bony fingers twisting in the silk, sadness, no _terror_ painted the tall woman's face as she pointed, skin pale in the fading light to just beyond the clearing oblivious of the raised hand ready to box the fools ears.

With surprising agility the blue side stepped her swipe "look" her voice steady, so Madga turned back searching though the gate until she found them, two men melded together with twilight's shadow to resembled a mountain, backing a shadow in green silk, stationary amongst the shaking forest.

* * *

"Yillana"

Such a faint whisper that it floated into the night, a breath of wind on her ear that gave a start more profound than if he had shouted. Scanning the horizon Ragan stood at her shoulder his back to their house, waiting, nursing a budding fear for the unknown. He did not pace or fidget the restless energy that took him away from her so often now rooted him to the ground preparing to face who ever stepped through the gateway.

They had been on constant watch since receiving the letter, going so far as to call Settle away from her ailing mother to see to the twins on a moment's notice should she be taken by force. Her need to run was strong but had subsided as she threw herself into work, closing the house, writing letters, reminding herself she was a sister, a wife, a mother so deserved better than the life of a fugitive.

Yarrin shifted in the back of her head at thought of the twins, he in the middle of goodbyes a deep loss settling in that tangled knot of emotions. Yillana swallowed, her composure perfectly still in the cool air, an Aes Sedai mask settling about her face, despite her bond jumping five feet across the clearing into Barry's pond.

Heavy and familiar a hand appeared on her shoulder, the thumb pressed to the base of her skull absentmindedly rubbing small circles. Ragan's small gesture of comfort accompanied a deep calm, relentless and unwavering passed between them, a trick conjured between her two warders she knew, in an attempt to bring her some peace. Another night, another time she would have reveled in the feeling, now it only served to stave off a stream of hot tears, threatening to flow down her cheeks. Leaning her head back as his touch firmed eyes mercifully dry, _she'd cried enough for two_ Ragan pulled ever so slightly to bring her against him. Back to his chest the colour shifting cloak borrowed from Yarrin enveloping them both she spoke matching the hushed tones with which he'd breathed her name.

"Yes"

Ragan shifted as a gust of wind tore past them cold and sharp, though she felt little of its sting cocooned as she was.

"What will happen"

Yillana almost laughed "I would ask you the same question Gaidin" voice sower in her ears. _A sight better than crying_ though, then cringed as the body behind her barely held onto its schooled calm, a knot beginning to take root between his shoulders.

Turning, his hands lifting slightly to settle on the small of her back she took a step away still enveloped in the warder's cloak to lay a hand on Ragan's temple. Tanned skin warm under her fingers she wove a simple thread of water and spirit, old healing she knew, but the pain left him just the same, her palm coming to rest at the base of his neck. Fingers played over his collarbone, up the side of his neck then across his jaw tracing each white line, each scar, many earned in her service, others in his long career as a soldier. His bond was still under her touch, anything so intimate between them was always behind closed doors, not a secret, she could hide nothing from Yarrin, but a matter purposely forgotten.

"My fate is Aes Sedai business" she whispered anything bitter in her tone washed away as his head tilted leaning ever so slightly into her palm, a moment of warmth across their bond before it turned to steel.

"How long then" the question hung in the air, too heavy to be blown away with the leaves.

Yillana tried a smile, though she was quite certain it made her look sick so turned around "they won't wait until morning if thats what you're asking"


	7. To Build a House

"Why did you marry" the question off hand yet deliberate as they sat watching the fire dance strange shadows between the trees surrounding a half build house.

Yillana let out a small laugh shooting Ragan a puzzled smirk"are you suggesting I made a poor decision Gaidin."

Her warder provided no answer only stared back face hard, impassive, his bond a jumble of different emotions, all resembling jealousy

"I was joking" she assured after a moment, concerned. Yarrin would deliver a quip back before the sentence left her lips, but his cousin said little, save for these moments when some spirit moved him to question, even pry.

"Yes Aes Sedai" so quiet she could barely hear "I _do_ have a sense of humor"

"Just one rarely used " Yillana whispered back leaning in to take his arm, ignoring the brief tense of muscles and the shift to not have her leg intertwined with his.

"There is little to laugh about some days."

"Ah yes" - she spoke to the fire, "but here we are, so a laugh is warranted, if only at the irony. Better men and women than us fought, but they are not content - if a little cold."

At that the warders cloak borrowed from Yarrin draped over her shoulders Ragan pulling her in to make use of his body heat, "and for that I am grateful" sound reverberating in his chest where she sat shielded from the fall night.

"But you're restless,"

He shifted, Yillana looked up watching the fire play across his face hiding what she now _knew_ as jealousy "among other things."

His grip tightened, she felt him nod "among other things."

"That couldn't possibly have to do with my husband"?

The pain at Yarrin's mention, gone as quickly as it arrived more a confirmation of her growing suspicion then if he confessed aloud. Ragan kept his silence and held her closer, safe in the knowledge he did it for warmth, not his own pleasure.

"What do you propose we do then" question floating into the night air, she expected no answer his confession tonight a courtesy.

"Arad Doman is far away," five words simple enough, their implication a complex web she sat unwilling to tackle despite the visceral response they garnered. Halfway across the world, she could barely feel Yarrin, only his strongest emotions, often frustration stirred in the corner of her mind paling in comparison to the overwhelming sensations from Ragan.

So strong was his want, sweeping along to magnify her similar desires all the while tugging at the slow impression made on her heart. A terrifying prospect, Yillana desperately squashed, but not before he took notice. Tipping her back Ragan watched for an eternity before covering her mouth with his own the kiss gentle, hesitant.

"More of your seldom used humor"? she breathed after they broke apart, his smile in response brief, and so unexpected she couldn't help but return the look, warm, confused. The next kiss held no hesitation hand tracing from her jaw to collarbone trailing fire across skin as she kissed him back for a time lost to herself. Somehow ending to face her warder kneeling between his legs they broke apart breathless, Yillana flushed, Ragan bereft of his usual hard exterior hands wandering down to trace the swell of her hips then to the small of her back.

"You are tired Aes Sedai" he murmured leaning in, their foreheads pressed together her arms around his neck.

"How very astute of you" she whispered back pulling away ever so slightly "would you see to my things then, it's too beautiful a night to sleep in a half-built house, I wish to see the stars.

* * *

As if they were moments from being caught one hand covered her mouth muffling a startled gasp cool night crawling up bare legs. Warm and insistent his other hand led her to those poorly suppressed moans drawing circles, moving in time with her hips before entering her rubbing back and for then crooking forward. Arching into his touch Yillana groaned gently bitting fingers that attempted to silence her as his pace quick-end no sound escaping as she reach a shuddering climax.

"We are alone you know" great effort exerted to keep herself silent as she came down no longer used to conducting these activities in secret

Her warder dipped his head to kiss down her neck, "we are never alone" breath hot in her ear wet fingers running up her side, dress loosening almost of their own accord Yillana exposed to her waist.

She knew what he meant but that pinprick on her conciseness palled in comparison to the feel of deft hands trailing her body, a deep hum sending vibrations through her chest as he captured a breast between his teeth.

Yillana bit her lip tasting blood nails scraping along the back of his neck.

"Would you have me silent then" she hissed finding it difficult to form words a certain warm limpness settling in her bones despite which she managed to brush a foot against the straining laces of his trousers a low groan breaking free through his insistence on quiet.

Still fully dressed contesting with bunched skirts now hiked up past her waist Ragan moved up to her mouth fevered as if he would never again be offered the chance. Each gasped as the other explored so consumed by a shared desperation any need for silence lost, Regan moving into her touch pants hastily pulled over his hips. Palm flat to his chest Yillana pushed, her warder sitting up without a fight, bond growing hazy as she took him in hand. Each move, faster, slower, her grip tightening, then releasing him entirely surged between them. She felt each jolt, bringing him closer and closer until on the brink head bowed Ragan grabbed her wrist.

"Ginny"

Never had a name ignited such terror, where she not half blind with lust she would have screamed. Instead she avoided lifting her head, half heartedly resisting his grip until Ragan traced a rough hand over her jaw forcing them face to face.

"Yillana" he tried again feeling her sudden apprehension worsening his own "I can't- we cannot, you...

"Have made our bed" she straddle his lap feeling his length against her stomach and rocked her hips forward imagining Ragan inside of her "so intend to lie in it".

* * *

Filtering through a canopy open to the night sky stars illuminated their campsite. Though not asleep Ragan lay quiet leaving Yillana to her thoughts, tumultuous and confused as they were, soothed somewhat by his slow rhythmic breathing.

Clad in a portion of her dress the rest piled by her head, when discarded in haste Yillana rolled ever so slightly making contact with the wall to her right. That wall grunted stiff from lying exposed to the damp without sufficient covering; her requested night under the stars giving little thought to the season and its climate changes. Warm as they were then, now apart Ragan gave up his blankets to keep her from shivering, but froze himself; every old wound not properly healed or stiff muscle known to cause some discomfort out in force.

Eight years ago in the ashes of a burnt village, practically a lifetime. To think she'd fought Yarrin tooth and nail when he suggested making the displaced solider, who just happened to be his cousin, her second warder. Far beyond him to lie in an attempt to sway her, calming a very capable stranger his relation smelled of such a scheme. Sufficiently cowed was she when Ragan corroborated the story under oath then preceded to save both their lives standing back to back with Yarrin against a squad of White Cloaks.

So smug that she'd wished to spit in his eye Yillana endured her husband's quiet triumph until she grew to like their unwanted traveling companion, try as she might to find some quality on which to dismiss him. In hindsight Ragan should have left while he had the chance, a spectator to their madness he coined himself in the early days the man sat through some of her and Yarrin's worst arguments, never taking a side, a mediator, or just a wall if matters became too heated. More than once he regretted excepting her offer, she felt it, and it saddened her, for he was a wonderful man, a faithful warder. For that reason she realized removing one of the blankets to cover Ragan, her affection may have gone beyond behaviour expectable between Aes Sedai and Gaidin.

 _Did it pose a problem?_

Yillana lay still heart heavy, she did not know, neither of them did. For while quiet and stoic, the bond sat alive in the back of her mind radiating apprehension, the restlessness constant since they'd settled.

On the move since he could remember Ragan balked at the idea of staying in Andor though he followed as would any good warder, putting her needs first, each time Yarrin left for Tar Valon or this time to Arad Doman working for Olywn, he longed to go.

To leave his jealousy behind she wondered, but Ragan was not a petty man, nor one lacking in self-control, this restlessness was just his nature. Now more than ever she concluded, such desires could be of use in remedying others, more specifically the ones so foolishly given into this night. While far from unheard of or even unexpected, Yarrin was her husband, their relationship deserved a certain amount of exclusivity.

So away he would go she thought, the solution uncomfortably close to running the longer she mulled it over, but Ragan would understand, even agree, similar considerations troubled his mind.

* * *

Her nose was wet, an odd sensation to wake up too but sitting wrapped in three blankets that somehow found their way back to her Yillana understood. Sun just peeking over the top of their clearing dew covered the grass and whatever happened to lay in it, drops of water sliding down her nose as she stood to turn in a slow circle. This province in Andor was beautiful, their particular portion secluded void of anything save woodland life, and the occasional hunter. Yillana revelled in the freedom, her shawl and ring now nothing more than a bargaining tool, currency put to use by Olywn in her ongoing struggle against the Seanchan. A man carrying Olywns messages guaranteed at the very least passage through roadblocks serving forkroot tea. Hesitant as she was to send Yarrin, and now Ragan, money did not grow on trees, else she would be a wealthy woman owing to the thousand that populated north wood.

Up before the dawn, _if he'd slept_ , Ragan stood among their half-built house walking a slow circle, surveying each wall in turn.

"Will it survive the winter" she called bare feet rustling in the grass to join her warder in the inspection of piled wood and stone.

"Hum" he shook his head - _light if I'd know_ that said and Yillana couldn't help but agree. Mr. Berry, their closest neighbour offered his assistance in raising the frame both a kind yet intrusive gesture. Though he promised to return, Hammond and his oldest son seldom came to call after the bulk of the outer work saw completion, fields needed tending and with twins on the way the Berry household bacame a hive of activity.

"We could always winter in Arad Doman" Ragan shot her a sharp look "if the roof caves in - and speaking of Arad Doman."

She cut to the chase presented her solution blunt and straightforward "I would send you next time" Yillana ventured "and every time after, not just to the East but Tar Valon, the borderlands, where ever she needs you."

"Honour to serve"

Stopping his trek halfway around the perimeter Yillana dug nails into Ragan's arm placing herself in his path "it is a choice Gaidin, not an order."

"Yes, Yillana Sedai" a bow as he pulled away continuing his inspection purposefully sidestepping any intended conversation to make her feel the petulant child pressing a matter previously resolved.

Miming a kick as his backside Yillana let him go turning away to rekindle the fire and don what remained of her dress. Wrinkled though no worse for wear the garment became increasingly difficult to fasten as she stewed, frustrated with more than tiny buttons.


End file.
